Zombie Project: The Sad World

ANNIE OAKLEY was born in New York. She is 27 years old. She has a cat named Mittens. She also has cat mittens. She doesn’t like smoothies. She likes Starburst. She hates people who fight. She loves donuts. She lives in an apartment.

CONSTANCE BLAGOJEVICH hails from a small town in Iowa, were she grew up with loving parents, Cathy and Carl, and her older sister, Cynthia. While in high school, Constance reigned as the President of the Study Body Government for all four years. Constance won a scholarship to Colombia University and majored in Political Science. After graduating at the top of her class, she went on to get her Masters, and then spent a brief time in politics before striking out as a freelance writer. She had the good fortune to write for such newspapers as The New York Post, The Chicago Sun Times, and The Detroit News. In 1986, Constance started her own paper called The Critical Eye, which she writes from Washington D.C., where she currently resides with her dog, Rufus.

CYNTHIA BLAGOJEVICH

After a childhood of prep schools, debate club, and pole vaulting lessons, Cynthia was conscripted into working for her sister's senatorial campaign as head of fundraising- due to her strong methods of persuasion. However, after raising the most money for any candidate in the 1982 race, Cynthia was wrongfully jailed on [information withheld]. This was extremely troubling to Cynthia's psyche, and she took her agression out on her fellow inmatesses-landing her in solitary. Luckily, a prison pen pal program proved to be the light at the end of the tunnel. A silent partner has promised to set Cynthia up with a post-incarceration job and enough money to re-enter the world of 1992 in style!

My name is EDNA PEEP! I was born in 1692. I'm 300 years old. I saw 7 wars. I was pen pals with George Washington. I was born in Virginia. My mom taught me how to make perfume when I was two. I was married 70 times. I'm friends with every president. My parents died in the 1700s. I can't remember when.

MERVYN PRIMROSE
b. 8/26/30, the Island of Tonga, S. Pacific.

Mervyn Primrose was born to Patrick and Pepper Primrose, the celebrated wildlife photography team. Young Mervyn and his family traveled the world. At the age of seven, Primrose started primary school in India. Between first and fifth grade he attended schools in Istanbul, London, Beijing, and various African villages. By age 13 he could speak fifteen languages, most of which he has forgotten.

After attending a Phillips Andover academy on a tennis scholarship, he enrolled at the University of Iowa where he was an All-American fullback for the Hawkeyes. He left in his Junior year and took a European Grant Tour, where he romanced many beautiful and tragic bohemians – all relationships ended in dramatic heartbreak. Upon returning to the States, he spent a lot of time sleeping on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s couch. He finally finished his PhDs at Brown University in four weeks in Anthropology, Archaeology, and Romance Languages & Literature. He then did four tours of duty in Korea.

After being taken as a POW he engaged in bare knuckle brawls for drinks in the seediest Pyongyang dive bars. Finally he returned again to the U.S. In 1968 he arm wrestled Hubert Humphrey for the Democratic party’s Presidential nomination. He won – but was disqualified later because he was too young. It was the last time he was ever disqualified for something due to youth. He spent most of the seventies competing in Beautiful Man competitions. His record was 5-2 without facial hair. In 1984 he was hired as Mayan Skull Specialist at the Smithsonian Institute. One year after his engagement to his truest love, [name withheld], the “Old Lion” (as the native peoples of Kasamadyju dubbed him) had roared his last.

Daniel Nigel Rufus Jehosefat Dome II was borne in the wilderness of Alaska 3,000 kilometers north of Gnome in 1961. His interest in journalism began when he ate the business section of the local paper at the age of 2. His father didn't beleave in education so young Danny had to sneak out at night and learn from the wolves. Unfortunately for Danny, his father was very forgetful, so forgetful that on December 15th, 1966 he left Danny and took his wife on a 2-year Christmas vacation to Baja. Danny was a recourceful child, and was a friend to all the animals, so he got along fine until July 4th, 1972. A firework from Gnome whizzed into the cabin that Danny called home and exploded, sending Danny and his pet Polar Bear Kalamazoo into the freezing cold. After being rescued by the Yeti, the duo saw human civilization for the first time. Danny took up journalism, while Kalamazoo went into advertizing and plays the Polar Bear on the Coke commercial. The two friends still see eachother very often, and Washington D. C. is often stampeded by thousands of moose, wolves, bears, seals, whales, and one Yeti looking for Daniel...Dome.

Although Daniel sometimes wishes he was back in Alaska with his friends, and he often feels like humans aren't what he wants for his life, he continues to work at the Critical Eye, hoping that one day he will discover his destiny. Daniel has not seen his father since the age of five, and he only saw his mom for a split second at a McDonalds on 5th Avennue in Manhattan.

SANDY BEECH

Sandy enjoys sweater shopping, studying the history of the U.S.A., and crying and talking at the same time. She also has the largest hair accessories collection on the Eastern Seaboard.

CHRISSY BUCKLE

Chrissy prides herself on her shoulder-padded blazers and slick berets. Her photographs have been seen in National Geographic, The Nation, The Economist, and UTNE, to name a few. Her new book, What I’ve Seen and Why I’ve Seen It, is due out in February.

STACY DUBOWSKI

Stacy was born to a large family of Polish immigrants in 1976. Her favorite words are Euhhh!! and What!??? She aspires to be a singer/songwriter or jewelry welder.

JAKE ELMHURST

Jake was born on the outskirts of Washington, D.C., where he has lived all his life. He plans to become a child psychologist, and enjoys working in retail until his education is complete.

XIAMARA -Xi- GREEN

Xi Green occupies her time with the studying of youth culture and the practicing of youth counter-culture. Someday soon she plans to wave goodbye to the world of politics, capitalism, and old ladies and move to Portland, where everything is greener.

BERTRAND -BERT- PICKLE

Bert Pickle has always been big for his age. In his spare time he enjoys roller derby, burning things, and snacks. As soon as he is 18, Bert intends to travel to Colombia - alone.

LIZA PICKLE

Liza Pickle plans to someday own a pony. Until then, she occupies her time with following current events and serving on the model U.N. at her elementary school.

MITCH PICKLE

Mitch was born filled with resentment and bitterness, much to the confusion of his loving parents, Joan and Edward Pickle. He suppressed his personality long enough to become a wily politician and marry Elaine [Sugarbelt] Pickle, who, after what felt like twelve long years of marriage, joined a Yogic Art Colony in Prague.

	Images from Zombie Project: The Sad World
Character Bios	buy tickets now
		ANNIE OAKLEY was born in New York. She is 27 years old. She has a cat named Mittens. She also has cat mittens. She doesn’t like smoothies. She likes Starburst. She hates people who fight. She loves donuts. She lives in an apartment. CONSTANCE BLAGOJEVICH hails from a small town in Iowa, were she grew up with loving parents, Cathy and Carl, and her older sister, Cynthia. While in high school, Constance reigned as the President of the Study Body Government for all four years. Constance won a scholarship to Colombia University and majored in Political Science. After graduating at the top of her class, she went on to get her Masters, and then spent a brief time in politics before striking out as a freelance writer. She had the good fortune to write for such newspapers as The New York Post, The Chicago Sun Times, and The Detroit News. In 1986, Constance started her own paper called The Critical Eye, which she writes from Washington D.C., where she currently resides with her dog, Rufus. CYNTHIA BLAGOJEVICH After a childhood of prep schools, debate club, and pole vaulting lessons, Cynthia was conscripted into working for her sister's senatorial campaign as head of fundraising- due to her strong methods of persuasion. However, after raising the most money for any candidate in the 1982 race, Cynthia was wrongfully jailed on [information withheld]. This was extremely troubling to Cynthia's psyche, and she took her agression out on her fellow inmatesses-landing her in solitary. Luckily, a prison pen pal program proved to be the light at the end of the tunnel. A silent partner has promised to set Cynthia up with a post-incarceration job and enough money to re-enter the world of 1992 in style! My name is EDNA PEEP! I was born in 1692. I'm 300 years old. I saw 7 wars. I was pen pals with George Washington. I was born in Virginia. My mom taught me how to make perfume when I was two. I was married 70 times. I'm friends with every president. My parents died in the 1700s. I can't remember when. MERVYN PRIMROSE b. 8/26/30, the Island of Tonga, S. Pacific. Mervyn Primrose was born to Patrick and Pepper Primrose, the celebrated wildlife photography team. Young Mervyn and his family traveled the world. At the age of seven, Primrose started primary school in India. Between first and fifth grade he attended schools in Istanbul, London, Beijing, and various African villages. By age 13 he could speak fifteen languages, most of which he has forgotten. After attending a Phillips Andover academy on a tennis scholarship, he enrolled at the University of Iowa where he was an All-American fullback for the Hawkeyes. He left in his Junior year and took a European Grant Tour, where he romanced many beautiful and tragic bohemians – all relationships ended in dramatic heartbreak. Upon returning to the States, he spent a lot of time sleeping on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s couch. He finally finished his PhDs at Brown University in four weeks in Anthropology, Archaeology, and Romance Languages & Literature. He then did four tours of duty in Korea. After being taken as a POW he engaged in bare knuckle brawls for drinks in the seediest Pyongyang dive bars. Finally he returned again to the U.S. In 1968 he arm wrestled Hubert Humphrey for the Democratic party’s Presidential nomination. He won – but was disqualified later because he was too young. It was the last time he was ever disqualified for something due to youth. He spent most of the seventies competing in Beautiful Man competitions. His record was 5-2 without facial hair. In 1984 he was hired as Mayan Skull Specialist at the Smithsonian Institute. One year after his engagement to his truest love, [name withheld], the “Old Lion” (as the native peoples of Kasamadyju dubbed him) had roared his last. Daniel Nigel Rufus Jehosefat Dome II was borne in the wilderness of Alaska 3,000 kilometers north of Gnome in 1961. His interest in journalism began when he ate the business section of the local paper at the age of 2. His father didn't beleave in education so young Danny had to sneak out at night and learn from the wolves. Unfortunately for Danny, his father was very forgetful, so forgetful that on December 15th, 1966 he left Danny and took his wife on a 2-year Christmas vacation to Baja. Danny was a recourceful child, and was a friend to all the animals, so he got along fine until July 4th, 1972. A firework from Gnome whizzed into the cabin that Danny called home and exploded, sending Danny and his pet Polar Bear Kalamazoo into the freezing cold. After being rescued by the Yeti, the duo saw human civilization for the first time. Danny took up journalism, while Kalamazoo went into advertizing and plays the Polar Bear on the Coke commercial. The two friends still see eachother very often, and Washington D. C. is often stampeded by thousands of moose, wolves, bears, seals, whales, and one Yeti looking for Daniel...Dome. Although Daniel sometimes wishes he was back in Alaska with his friends, and he often feels like humans aren't what he wants for his life, he continues to work at the Critical Eye, hoping that one day he will discover his destiny. Daniel has not seen his father since the age of five, and he only saw his mom for a split second at a McDonalds on 5th Avennue in Manhattan. SANDY BEECH Sandy enjoys sweater shopping, studying the history of the U.S.A., and crying and talking at the same time. She also has the largest hair accessories collection on the Eastern Seaboard. CHRISSY BUCKLE Chrissy prides herself on her shoulder-padded blazers and slick berets. Her photographs have been seen in National Geographic, The Nation, The Economist, and UTNE, to name a few. Her new book, What I’ve Seen and Why I’ve Seen It, is due out in February. STACY DUBOWSKI Stacy was born to a large family of Polish immigrants in 1976. Her favorite words are Euhhh!! and What!??? She aspires to be a singer/songwriter or jewelry welder. JAKE ELMHURST Jake was born on the outskirts of Washington, D.C., where he has lived all his life. He plans to become a child psychologist, and enjoys working in retail until his education is complete. XIAMARA -Xi- GREEN Xi Green occupies her time with the studying of youth culture and the practicing of youth counter-culture. Someday soon she plans to wave goodbye to the world of politics, capitalism, and old ladies and move to Portland, where everything is greener. BERTRAND -BERT- PICKLE Bert Pickle has always been big for his age. In his spare time he enjoys roller derby, burning things, and snacks. As soon as he is 18, Bert intends to travel to Colombia - alone. LIZA PICKLE Liza Pickle plans to someday own a pony. Until then, she occupies her time with following current events and serving on the model U.N. at her elementary school. MITCH PICKLE Mitch was born filled with resentment and bitterness, much to the confusion of his loving parents, Joan and Edward Pickle. He suppressed his personality long enough to become a wily politician and marry Elaine [Sugarbelt] Pickle, who, after what felt like twelve long years of marriage, joined a Yogic Art Colony in Prague.
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